Far From the Home I Love
by kilroyactual117
Summary: Asada Shino never really had a plan for her life. Any childhood ambitions she might've had disappeared in a muzzle flash when she was barely six. Six pounds of pressure, then flash, crack, a round impacted center mass. The life drained out of the gunman's eyes, and in an instant her life was changed forever.


**AN: Sorry for being away from my account for so long. It's been, what, months, or maybe a full year since I've posted anything here? I'm really, truly sorry. I promise I haven't forgotten any of the stories that I've left half complete. I see your reviews and trust me, they're as important to me as they are to you.**

 **Now onto the subject of this story. I've never written anything from Sword Art Online before. It's a series that I'll be honest, I have some misgivings about, despite that fact that it was what introduced me to the medium of anime. However, it definitely contains one of my favorite characters, Shino Asada. Despite the often simple premise of the rest of the story, I always found Sinon's struggled with mental illness and trauma to be compelling. I don't like how little it is mentioned in the story after the completion of her arc, and I've always wanted to explore the repercussions her experiences both in life, and the death games she was subjected to would influence her down the road.**

 **This is my rendition of her as an adult. Enjoy! :)**

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Asada Shino never really had a plan for her life. Any childhood ambitions she might've had disappeared in a muzzle flash when she was barely six.

She leaned up against the window of her apartment, taking in the feeling of the cold glass against her skin as she stared out at the Silicon Valley skyline. It'd been a long ride to get here, and it all started with a single, fateful moment; the moment that took the average life she'd always expected to live, from her. It sent her spiraling into the life, not of a teenage girl, but of a killer who spent her many waking hours trying to atone for her mistake. As a twenty-six year old, she knew what it was like to take a life; and she knew the training, and the preparation it took to steel yourself against watching the life drain out of someone's eyes.

Her six-year-old self couldn't have possibly known what pulling that trigger would do to her.

Six pounds of pressure, then flash, crack, a round impacting center mass and the life draining out of the gunman's eyes. For a while, she'd felt nothing. She cried out of pure shock. She hadn't even been conscious enough to understand that she'd killed someone. Eventually, the tears became real. When she woke up in the hospital the next morning she was startled from her dreaming by the crack of another gunshot, although this one was entirely in her head.

Tears streamed down her face as she curled up into the sheets of her hospital bed, but no one came to her aid, not even her mother who sat on the other side of the room. As far as she was concerned her daughter was now a killer. She wasn't fit to be touched or even looked at. She just wanted to wake up and realize that it wasn't real. She hadn't really killed that man. Maybe she should've let him shoot up that post office. As far as he was concerned it would've made her life a lot easier.

As much as she hated what she did, she wouldn't stop there. She never guessed that she'd leave a trail of blood behind her spanning three countries and years of contemplation.

A shiver shot through her as a draft whistled through the apartment. She hugged herself to stay warm, but the cold metal of the Glock 17 pistol she held in her hand chilled her more as it pressed up against her stomach. She spent a lot of nights like this, her weapon on her hand, her eyes scanning the city, and her heart rate elevated as she waited for someone to attack.

Long ago she'd thought that once she overcame her fear of guns she'd be problem free, but all that did for her was expose her real fear; fear of other people. No greater nightmare gripped her heart than the idea that someone she didn't see or didn't expect might be a killer in disguise. She slapped herself on the forehead. She needed to stop doing this to herself. If she couldn't sleep in the real world she should just fire up her Amusphere and find a quiet place in the wilderness of GGO to bivouac.

She walked over to her kitchen countertop to get a drink. Compared to the places she'd lived in Japan as a student, her San Jose apartment was much nicer. It was covered in sleek, modern, angular surfaces with elaborate tile work and comfortable furniture. Despite consisting mostly of one room it felt like a full home to her.

As she walked over the the cabinets a holographic display of the kitchen's inventory projected onto the countertop. It warned her that she was dangerously low on everything but alcohol.

Not that she cared. She rarely cooked, which had the added benefit of leaving the apartment's stainless steel appliances in shining mint condition.

And in the middle of this technological marvel stood her, wearing nothing but a US Army PT shirt and loose-fitting sweatpants.

Anyone could see that she was living beyond her means. The small government pension and firearms instructor salary she was living on wouldn't have come close to paying for a place this nice, and definitely not in such an expensive area.

She had the kindness of Asuna and Kirito to thank for this place. Although neither one of them would admit it, she knew that they used their influence to find her a place like this for practically free. Sometimes she hated living here. She felt like a charity case. However, there was something to be said for having a roof over your head.

She reached up into a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Old No. 7 and a glass. She set the glass down on the marble countertop and unscrewed the cap on the bottle.

She hesitated as she was about to pour herself a glass. Maybe she shouldn't be drinking when she was in this state of mind. The whiskey splashed into the glass a moment later. She picked up the glass and downed it in one go, the liquid burning her throat as it went down. She hadn't drank at all before she moved to the states. She'd never intended to. Alcohol and people like her didn't mix, but joining the Army had all but made it a necessity, where drinking was almost a way of life.

She'd moved to the US along with Kirito and Asuna. It wasn't a move she'd ever expected to make, but when they mentioned that they intended to move, something clicked for her. She'd been out of high school for a year and she'd been doing nothing but working part-time jobs. She had no real plans for her future. She hadn't been accepted to any universities, and despite her fact that she was slowly learning how to integrate back into society she still felt like she didn't fit.

She couldn't just be happy going through the motions. Something had to change.

She poured herself another glass.

Kirito and Asuna had no trouble getting their citizenship change expedited when the moved to the US. Asuna was rich and working on her master's in computer science, and Kirito was an accomplished mechatronics engineer. Every country in the world wanted people to like them moving in. The options were not as easy. Either she could apply for citizenship and wait years to possibly be accepted, or join the Army to speed up the process. Although the later option wasn't a popular option for Japanese citizens, for her it was a no-brainer at the time. She was strong for her size, she could follow orders, and she doubted that anything she would see could possibly mess her up worse than she already was.

For the most part, she was right; she excelled at basic training, moved through the ranks quickly, earned her sniper tab, and made it through two deployments to Afghanistan. Her friends from GGO and ALO contacted her often to check on her. The sick truth was that she'd never felt more alive.

Her whole life was no longer virtual. The fearless person she wanted to be was real. She was risking her life every day and the thrill of it gave her chills. She became addicted to the danger of death. So addicted that when she finally rose high enough in the ranks that her combat role began to dial back, she began to revert back to the same urges she had before.

In a way, it felt like combat had been a veil to cover her sickness for all those years. She began to dive back into GGO in her free time, just to get back to the experience of being in the line of fire. It wasn't long before she mustered out of the army. If she wasn't being shot at, what use was it for her to be there? She didn't want to teach some goddamn class at Fort Benning, she wanted to be behind a rifle!

She slammed her glass down angrily into the table as she finished her drink, then hesitated and lifted the glass gently off the table to see if she'd broken it. She slammed her palm hard into her forehead and held it there as she took a deep breath.

 _I shouldn't let my emotions get the better of me_ , she thought. _It's not good for me._ She breathed out and relaxed her shoulders, closing her eyes. _I have a fine life, and a fine job instructing cops on marksmanship,_ she thought.

She walked over to the sink to set the glass in the drying rack, but before she could her doorbell rang, splitting the silence of her apartment.

The whiskey glass fell from her hand as she reached for her Glock.

Time slowed down as she brought her weapon to bear on the door. Crystal shards shot from where the glass landed, pelting her legs and shining in the light of the moon.

Her hand's tightened on the weapon and her palms began to sweat as she prepared to pull the trigger. Who could possibly be knocking on her door this late at night? No one that was up to any good. She heard the intercom crackle and waited for the intruder's voice to come through.

"Sinon?" She heard a sweet voice ask. "Are you ok? What was that sound?"

The voice belonged to Asuna. She was only one of a few people who she allowed to call her by her in-game name in real life; a right she earned during the Ordinal Scale incident. Sinon lowered her weapon, sweat pouring down her forehead as she breathed heavily. She looked down at her feet and carefully lifted them free of the broken glass. She'd have to clean this up later.

"Sinon!" Demanded Asuna. "Open up! I'm worried about you."

Sinon ground her teeth. _She always is_.

She stuffed her Glock into the back of her sweatpants, hoping Asuna wouldn't notice it and made her way to the door. She cracked it open and peered outside. Asuna stood outside, wearing a black business suit and tied back hair.

It was five in the morning and she was already heading to work. She certainly worked harder than almost anyone else Sinon knew. Asuna's face was etched with worry as she peered through the small crack of vision Sinon allowed her.

"Hey, I just came here to check on you," she said as she pried open the door. "But, are you ok? I thought I heard something break."

Sinon stopped the door before it swung all the way open, leaning against the frame to block her view. She didn't need Asuna to see the collection of clothes, alcohol, and empty ammo boxes that cluttered her apartment.

"It's nothing," Sinon said dismissively. "I was just startled and dropped a glass. You're here early this morning."

But Asuna wasn't buying any of it. She crossed her arms a crossed her chest and looked Sinon dead in the eyes, her icy glare chilling her to the bone.

"I am," she said pointedly. "And so are you. What are you doing stalking around at 5 A.M. You look awful. Have you been getting enough sleep?"

Sinon rubbed her eyes and slouched against the frame. _Do I really look that bad?_ She thought. _Maybe I should start wearing makeup._

"I am," Sinon said dismissively. "I just wake up early by habit. It happens when you wake up at five every morning for your entire career."

Sinon closed the door a little more, attempting to keep Asuna out. She didn't need her prying into her affairs. Not at a time like this.

Asuna looked at her suspiciously, then craned her head forward, taking sniffing her room before recoiling. Her mouth folded into a frown as she looked Sinon in the eye.

"Have you been drinking?" She asked pointedly. "Your whole apartment smells like alcohol. It's not healthy to be doing that this early in the morning."

Sinon glared back, her eyes sending a warning back at Asuna to stay away. She'd been Asuna's friend for years, but she had no right to intrude.

"That's none of your business," she shot back. "I'm fine. I was up early and I wanted a drink. That's all."

Sinon grabbed the door handle to swing the door shut. She was done talking. She had too much on her mind to deal with this kind of bullshit.

The door slammed, but not on its frame. Sinon heard a crunch and then a yelp from Asuna. She spun around to find her friend's hand closed in the door like a piece of sponge in a vice.

"Asuna!" She shouted as she threw the door back open.

The redhead recoiled her hand back to her chest and held it tightly, hissing in pain. Her hand already looked to be swelling and turning red.

Sinon's eyes shot open and her heart rate picked up. Why was it that she always ended up hurting people like this? Every time in her life that she tried to save someone she always ended up making the situation worse. When would she learn to stop trying? She pulled her phone out of her pocket and started to dial a number.

"Hold on! I'm gonna get you to the ER," she said frantically.

Asuna shook her head, gripping her hand tightly.

"I'm alright," she said dismissively through gritted teeth. "I'm so sorry."

Sinon stopped typing and glared at her.

"Like hell you are," she shot back.

She wasn't going to let her friend suffer over her own fit of anger.

She opened her phone back up, but before she could finish dialing the number, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her in a restraining hug, pulling her close and not letting her go. Despite the pain it was probably causing her, Asuna held Sinon tight, her head pressed against her back and her undoubtedly injured hand gripping her tightly

Sinon struggled against Asuna's grip.

"Quit fucking around!" She shouted. "I probably broke your hand…"

Sinon was quieted by one of Asuna's fingers touching her lips. She gently spun Sinon around until they were face to face, then looked her in the eye.

"I'll be fine," she said, her voice pained but sincere. "The person I'm worried about is you right now."

Sinon looked down at Asuna's hand, then back to her eyes. She looked so damned sincere, but how could she be? She'd just been injured and had her trust violated by someone who wasn't worthy of her respect. Why did she bother giving courtesy to someone like her who only existed to make other people hurt?

Tears streamed down Sinon's face. She cared about Asuna so much. Why had she lashed out so violently when she was only trying to help.

"I'm… I'm so sorry," she said as she hugged Asuna back.

Sinon could no longer fight the redhead's grip. She allowed herself to be pulled in to her embrace, if only for a moment. Sinon felt her tears begin to soak Asuna's suit jacket. She hated herself for being so damn weak, but she couldn't help herself. She needed this. She needed to cry her eyes out and let everything go for only a moment.

She looked up from Asuna's shoulder, tears still streaming down her face. Asuna took he injured hand and gently patted Sinon's head to calm her down. She hated being treated like a kid, but she felt like she had no right to resist any further.

"I'll be fine," Asuna said, meeting her eyes. "I promise."

She reached behind Sinon into the waistband of her sweats and removed her Glock from where she'd tucked it. Sinon wanted to grab for it and take it back, but she was afraid of injuring Asuna in the process.

Asuna ejected the magazine and racked the slide, unchambering the round, a little trick she'd learned from GGO. She stuck the gun and the mag into her purse before leading Sinon back inside. She guided Sinon back to her bed and forced her to lay down.

Sinon didn't resist. It wasn't worth it. She was tipsy and tired, and in dire need of some rest, even if her mind told her otherwise.

She knew Asuna understood this more than anyone. After all, Asuna had her fair share of trauma in her life.

After the first time she'd found Sinon like this she'd told her about how many sleepless nights she endured after she left SAO; how she saw the faces of Laughing Coffin in passing people.

Confusing pedestrians with killers was something Sinon understood all too well

"Get some rest," Asuna Said when she was finally satisfied that Sinon was tucked in.

She then withdrew the handgun from her purse, slotted the magazine back in, released the slide catch with a click, and set it at her bedside.

"I'd like to take this from you," she said sadly. "But I know you would never let me, so promise me you'll not do anything stupid with it, ok?"

Sinon looked over at the gun, then nodded. She picked it up off the bedside stand and slid it to its normal location under her pillow.

Asuna frowned deeply but nodded in understanding. Sinon knew that she too kept a knife under her pillow at night. They'd both seen too much to go through their lives not expecting danger at any moment.

"I'm going to go now," she said Sadly. "I promise I'll get my hand checked out, and you can expect me for dinner tonight. I'll bring the food."

Sinon tried to sit up to protest, but Asuna placed a firm hand in the center of her chest, forcing her down. Sinon struggled, but relented.

Her body felt heavy and her mind wanted to rest for a good, long while.

For the moment, she felt safe. For the moment, she felt like she could close her eyes without worrying if they'd open again. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to sink back into the bed, slowly drifting off to sleep.

"Goodnight Sinonon," she heard Asuna say in a singsong voice as she stood up and walked out of the apartment, leaving Sinon alone with her thoughts once again.

Sinon rolled over on to her side as she heard Asuna close the door, pulling the handgun out from underneath her pillow. She stared at it, silhouetted in the moonlight, contemplating why she and her weapons were so attached at the hip.

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 **AN: The end, for now, but who knows? Maybe seeing more of her in Alicization over the coming year will give me more ideas for how to continue this story.**


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